- Communicate ‘in situ’: Yes, you have a voice. Use it. Nobody said you should go mute just cos you’re getting some. You like something he/she is doing, encourage him/her. This is where phrases like “don’t stop” and “yes baby” (my personal favourites) come in very handy. Nothing like a little encouragement to boost your partner’s confidence and get him/her to find even more ways to please the hell out of you.
- Get help/tips/guides – Take improving your sex life as an assignment. A serious one. Do some research, read books, there are plenty available on the subject. (Try The Kamasutra of Vatsyayana; Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man; She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman) And do it together. If you’re bold enough, watch some porn together – to get some new ideas. NB: He has porn hidden somewhere, no matter how old it is (or he at least knows how to get some). So just ask him. He might think you’re trying to catch him doing bad things, but tell him why you’re asking and he’ll be a bit more forthcoming. The great thing about this tip is that you’re learning. And it’s tough to read stuff about sex and not get turned on. You’ll probably have a ‘forget-about-the-tv-and-tear-your-clothes-off-moment’ which makes for awesome sex.
- Give constructive feedback – You know that ‘cuddle’ moment a lot of couples have immediately after sex? Use it properly. One way is to spend it giving intimate feedback. Start with the positives e.g “mmm that was great head” or “you were on fire babe. I love what you did when…” and then tell him/her how they can do something better. For instance, instead of saying “I don’t like it when you turn me on my side”, say “when you turned me on my side just then, I found it a bit uncomfortable. Maybe you can try kneeling next time?” Or instead of “I don’t enjoy it when you spend so long doing that”, say “I enjoy that more when you don’t spend so long doing it that way”. The key is to make them feel appreciated while helping them improve. And if you do it properly, you’d be amazed at how eager they’d be to please you more and please you right.
- Listen to your partner’s body. And while that’s a really weird statement to make, it’s especially valid. Remember, sex is a means of communication, so during the process, our bodies “talk” and respond to each other. Chances are, if you pay attention, you’ll learn the things you do that get your partner writhing with pleasure. The strategy is to do more of that. Simple. But you have to listen to know what these things are. Find those ‘buttons’ that light him/her up, figure out the angles/positions that draw more intense responses and try new tactics so that you can keep expanding your bag of tricks.
- Make an effort – make sure it’s not one sided. Reciprocate- if he goes down on you without hesitation, you’re going to have to do same for him sometimes, even if you don’t feel comfortable with it all the time (and vice versa for the guys, especially since you like to get head). You have to give as good as you get so that the other person doesn’t tire of being the giver all the time. When you do this, your partner will also feel the need to reciprocate and sex becomes give and take for you both. Learn to make compromises even when you’re not totally comfortable with something. If you’d rather “do her” missionary style and you know that she prefers being accessed through the “back door”, be nice and mix it up for her benefit, otherwise she might get bored while you are there having all the fun.
Most of all, be a good sport when things don’t go so well, cos sometimes it doesn’t. Just keep trying and you’ll get to that sometimes elusive cloud nine.
And that’s it. Hope you got at least one tip to try.