The One that got away…
3 years, and somehow we got away from each other
What happened? Didn’t you want me enough?
Was I not desirable? Did you sense my brokenness even then?
I wanted you. Wanted so much to want you, to please you
Couldn’t you see that? That I wanted to get ‘lucky’?
Even on that random day 7 years after?
I thought that was it; the chance we never took,
Come back to free us, or maybe to haunt us.
I hoped desperately that it would free us,
From that cell of not knowing.
But I still don’t know even now…
He said:
I put you on a pedestal
And idealized you right out the goddamn park
My big ass shoulder chips got in the way
You were always so goddamn strong,
Like you didn’t need me, like I could be irrelevant in a flash
That shit messed with my head; weighed a man down
I was always scared that you’d wake up one day
And just walk away
And you’d have a perfectly logical reason for it
How you could be so rational;
It wasn’t human.
The One that would not fight…
I thought we were on the same page
Fighting the same battles
I took bullets for you; and from you
I was going to sacrifice everything;
My faith, my family, me – the person I was
To become what you wanted.
But it wasn’t enough; it was never going to be
I learned that a little too late
That love was good, but it wasn’t enough
I learned my first lesson in letting go
It was hard as fuck…
He said:
I was never the strong one; you were
If you hadn’t ended it, I wouldn’t have had the courage to
It was inevitable; you did what I didn’t have the balls to do
You always had balls.
You fought even then;
And I couldn’t even bring myself to meet you half way
I wish I could tell you now, that if you had waited
I would have fought for it, fought for us
But I apologize;
Nine years later
And I’m still sorry…
The One who left things hanging…
You disappeared.
You left, even before you left;
Our connection severed; decapitated by the demons you were fighting inside
I wasn’t a demon; that’s what I thought anyway
Tried to pull you back; a literal emotional tug ‘o’ war
I lost. I fell. I watched you disappear.
And in the end, I had to turn away
Build a shell, keep my head up, firmly looking straight ahead
Moving on
Walking out of the vast wastelands that was us
Away from you
He said:
You pushed me away.
You didn’t want me around you anymore
Yeah, I fucked up; I get that
But you gave up too; you left
I watched the love die in your eyes; they didn’t light up like they used to at the sight of me
Sometimes, you wouldn’t even look at me; it’s almost like I had ceased to exist
I never understood how you could just ‘check out’
Made me wonder if all that passion was even real
In the end, I couldn’t live with your disappointment in me
I had failed you
And most of all, I had failed me too.
