Or did you have to put up a forced smile to mask your not-so-slight disappointment when your partner happily rolled off and asked that inane question ‘how was it?’, and then you say “it was great” when what you really wanted to say was “really? Is that the best you can do???”
Believe it or not, some people are more stressed out/tense after sex than they were before the event. And some just go away feeling utterly dissatisfied, hoping it will be better the next time. Unfortunately, and no thanks to the Fifty Shades of this world, more and more people are beginning to want more out of their sex lives. I don’t know about the tying up and beads and stuff, but people certainly want the sex they have in real life to be just as exciting and satisfying as what they experience in their dreams – yes, in their dreams, because sex is never ordinary or routine in a dream (at least, not in mine).
The good news is anybody can have mind blowing sex.
The bad news is not everybody will have mind-blowing sex in their lifetime.
The ugly news is YOU! You just might be the one getting in the way of reaching your sexual goals. Yes, you have sexual goals. You’re just afraid to admit it. And yes, you might just as much be to blame as your partner, if not more.
So what is it that makes for good, hot, steamy and terribly satisfying sex?
A lot, of course has to do with the people involved, the amount of chemistry between them, and sometimes, the amount of ‘flexibility’ that their bodies are capable of (*wink*). But most of all, it has to do with communication.
Sex is really just a very profound means of communication between two people and great sex is all about great communication. So you don’t have to learn to do a plow or lotus pose (*rolls eyes* at all the yoga fans out there – mschew!) just so you can ‘ooh and ahh’ in satisfaction. All you need is yourself, a willing partner and some good old determination. But lemme not kid you – any Yoga skill/knowledge is an added advantage!
That said, here’s a somewhat practical guide (cos I won’t be sharing sexual positions, no sir!) on how to have mind blowing sex in your own bedroom (or elsewhere) 🙂
- First, evaluate your current sex life/habits honestly. It’s easy to conclude that the sex isn’t great but are you doing anything to make it better or are you contributing to the “lack-lustre” performance? Do you just ‘lie there’ and let the other person do all the work? Or do you just focus on getting your own satisfaction and assume the other person is satisfied too? Or even worse, do you know for a fact that the other person isn’t satisfied and you’re not bothered enough to do something about it? If the answer to any of these questions is yes (talk true), diaris God o. It’s people like you that give sex a bad name.
- Don’t Judge: Sadly, the society we find ourselves in characterizes sex and the enjoyment of it as a bad thing. And anyone who engages in it purely for pleasure (which is nearly everyone) is looked upon as a bad person. So it’s no surprise that people are afraid to demand better sex from their partners, for fear of being seen as promiscuous or immoral. Do yourself and your partner a favour – don’t judge yourself for having the desire for something more and don’t judge him/her for wanting more. You’re both human.
- Trust – that the other person will not judge you. With real serious relationships, a healthy system of communication should already be in existence leaving room for open, honest conversation. You will need to tell this person if you’re not entirely satisfied with how stuff goes down in the bedroom. And you have to trust them not to change their opinion of you, at least not in a bad way. Yes, they will see you a little differently, but that’s just because they didn’t have all the “information”. If you’re both committed to having a full, loving and fulfilling relationship, then they won’t judge you. They might be a little uncomfortable at first, or they might even surprise you and tell you that they feel the exact same way! If it’s not a serious relationship, then it probably doesn’t matter what they think of you, cos you can walk away if you want.
- Let go of your inhibitions – When you’re in the moment, follow your instincts and do whatever your body tells you to. If you want to scream out with wild abandon, do so. Don’t be bothered about the neighbours hearing. Chances are they are jealous of you having such a good time. If you want to talk dirty, talk dirty. If you want to slap his/her butt cheeks, do so (just be careful that it’s not too hard the first time, cos you don’t know yet if they’ll like it). Don’t restrain yourself from enjoying it, and yes, I know you’re worried about what your partner will think of you. But remember the previous point – Trust. You are doing this with someone you trust and you trust this person not to judge you for wanting the things you want. Granted, he/she might be surprised initially – hello-o! They’re just meeting this ‘you’ for the first time. But slowly, that surprise will turn to awe and wonder and then a whole lot of excitement – unless this person is a conc spiro-sister or brother, in which case ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION!!!