Do you know any of those people who have a habit of asking questions they have no business asking? How many times have you had to fend off busy-bodies who have nothing better to do than look for their next bit of gossip? For me, I can indulge them the first time. And maybe even tolerate them the second time. But after that, I’m pretty much at the end of my tether.
I met one of such nosy people this past weekend and as he went about his business sticking his nose in my business, I looked directly in his eyes and said to him “Gerrarahere!”
Ok. I didn’t say that. But I would have loved to. Instead I said to him “I’m dangerously close to poking you in the eye. So please, don’t ask me again…” and I proceeded to list a number of questions that I didn’t want to hear from him or from anyone else for that matter in the short, medium or long term.
Please, don’t ask me again;
When I’m getting married. Husbands do NOT fall out of the sky. Neither are they auctioned at church bazaar sales during harvest. When they start selling them, be kind enough to let me know…
Why I’ve put on so much weight. It’s just rude to talk to a woman about her weight. Especially a fat one. The End.
Why I’ve lost so much weight. Well, thank you for noticing. But make up your mind really. Do you want me fat or skinny? Besides, like I said before, it’s just rude to talk to a woman about her weight. The End.
When I’m changing my car. Newsflash! Cars are not clothes. You don’t just change them after taking a shower. And have you seen the tariffs on Tokunbo cars lately? Why does my car bother you anyway? If you don’t want to be seen with me cos you don’t think my car is ‘tush’, then help a sister be great and donate to the cause of buying a new car. Otherwise, zip it.
Why I’m not on Instagram or Twitter. Not my fault that I’m technologically challenged. Besides, there are already so many other ways to waste one’s life away, selfies included.
Why I don’t use an iPhone. Err, my phone works. I make calls, I send texts, I chat, I listen to music. The phone works. Period.
If this is my hair. Well, guess what? It is now, because I paid for it.
Why I choose to stay home on a Friday night. Sleep is bae! Dahs All… 
Why I don’t live on the Island. If something totally unexpected happens to Third Mainland Bridge and Western Avenue and Carter Bridge (you never know, these things happen), I’d rather be on the mainland side, for any number of reasons. Plus, if a world war Z type scenario unfolds, and we have to start killing each other for food, then those of us on the mainland will have more food. 🙂
When I’m getting married. I had to repeat this one for those very stubbornly nosy people. Just in case you didn’t see it at the beginning, you can’t pretend you’re not reading it now. Don’t ask me when we’re eating rice, or wearing Aso ebi or buying souvenirs, or any other thing that’s just a way to ask that question. You’ll get an invitation. But then again, you may not. Just don’t ask me…
Rethots
*smiles*
Uju Ayalogu
Praise the Lord! I personally hate being asked questions of any kind and when someone, especially if it is someone I don’t like or don’t know very well asks me something very personal I simply shrug and act like I can’t hear. It works sometimes.