I used to be happy. And bubbly. And lively.
I used to laugh all the time, walk around with a perpetual smile on my face.
I used to see the possibilities of each day.
I used to never say die...
There was light in my eyes, song on my lips
There was joy in my life, wind on my heels.
I could face anything, see the good in everything
I didn't feel lonely even when I was alone
Because even my thoughts brought me joy
I was happy, I was me. And I was good enough.
Now I can't even go a day without weeping
Silently screaming for help, for love
for something, or someone to fill my hollow
I can no longer find the joy I once had
nor the peace.
I can no longer dance with abandon
Or smile genuinely
My heart is heavy all the time
My eyes are completely without sparkle
And while I will never contemplate taking my life,
I'm left wondering what exactly there is to live for
It feels like I emptied all my happy into something, into someone.
And they walked away with it
Because when I look inside, I have nothing left
where my joy used to overflow
I'm crying all the time, lost in thought all the time
Spending time alone all the time
and when I'm with people, counting the minutes until it's time to be alone
So that I can stop pretending to be present, to be engaged
stop pretending to be a part of,
when I really do not belong.
I used to be happy. And it felt good.
But now, I don't even remember how to be...
