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What do Men want to know about Women?

Dear Men,

We’ve heard you say so many times that you just don’t get us (by we, I mean women). We’ve also heard you say that in fact, we don’t even get ourselves and we don’t know what we really want. To some extent, you may be right. We’re human beings and we get confused sometimes. There are just too many things in the world to choose from. But mostly, we know exactly what we want. If we seem like we don’t, then there’s a big chance that what we want is not you or that what we want does not exist. Yet…

willferellonwomenHowever, we understand that we can be a tad difficult to (and I repeat myself) ‘understand’, considering that we expect you to deal with us day in and day out, cater to our needs and still put up a manly front, without showing the extent of your befuddlement. Our needs certainly go beyond money, power, sex and alcohol (save a few cases) and this is why you guys struggle – we’re not ‘black and white’ like you. There’s lots of grey areas when it comes to us and believe me when I say, on behalf of women folk, that we don’t do it on purpose (most of the time). 🙂

So, it’s in light of this that I decided to try and help you guys out a bit, you know, give you athingsmenknow few pointers – expo, if we can call it that – as to what actually goes on with us. I asked a few guys what that one thing is that they’ve never understood about women, that they’d like help figuring out. The responses, when they came in, were interesting. And I’ve tried to list each of them below and do my best to answer some of them. You’ll find that a lot of them are centered around one of your cardinal needs – Sex – which though isn’t surprising, isn’t encouraging either. But there are a few (very few) serious-minded ones, which gave me hope that at least, some of you guys spare a non-sex-related thought for us sometimes. *rolls eyes*

Qstn 1: Why do you girls/women go through “Mood Flips”?

periodbluesAnswer: Have a look at the calendar bro. Chances are it’s that very annoying time of the month when our emotions are all over the place and you can’t seem to do anything right. If it’s not that time of the month, then make sure you go through a mental picture of all the things you’ve done in the last few days. You might have done something she wasn’t happy about (like refused to take her to go get some ice cream even after she gave you all kinds of hints, yeah we’re ‘petty’ like that) or even worse, said something (like I’m busy, let me call you back – we don’t like to be ignored). So be sure to rewind and replay all your conversations and note that a few days may extend to a week (or longer for some badass girls) because we women remember things…

Qstn 2: Why do you need to spend hours on end shopping and generally being crazy?

Answer: We like what we like. Why do you guys like to spend hours on end watching shoppingfootball and also generally being crazy with all the shouts of “shoot nowwww” and “pass ball, pass ball”? The players can’t even hear you, they’re ‘inside’ the TV. We enjoy looking at beautiful things and we also love to be able to buy those things. What you guys don’t realize though is that when you’re in a position to buy those things for us, we want to be able to show that off, because it makes other girls envious. We’re actually proud of you! When you’re not the one doing the buying, then you might as well just let us buy in peace. Period.

Qstn 3: What really turns women on?

Answer: It would vary across women depending on what their priorities are. Me? I get whatturnswomenonturned on by confidence, wit and a smart sense of humor. Of course, I like a good looker too, nothing wrong with having me a nice tall drink of dark and handsome. But sometimes, women are turned on by dress sense, or by how he interacts in a room full of people, or how he walks, or even the more materialistic things like the car he drives. Sometimes, they get turned on by how well he flirts or even how shy he is, or the way he looks at them. But there are certain things that are a definite turn off, like bad grammar (no woman wants to have to correct your English), or ‘funny’ dressing – you can wear colored pants, but only if you can pull the look off successfully. Poor grooming would also turn any woman in her right mind off – so trim the beard or at least keep it tidy, tuck the shirt tails in if they’re supposed to be tucked in, wear the appropriate foot wear for your outfit, have a breath mint handy if your breath has a tendency to go ‘off’. These are just a few examples.

Qstn 4: What matters most with regards to size? Length or Girth/Thickness? (Yes, we’re talking about the Penis)

lengthorgirthAnswer: I personally prefer girth, because it can get a bit uncomfortable if he’s too long. But a combination of both is ideal. Not too long that he’s hitting places he has no business going, but not too short that he’s not getting anywhere. Not so thick that he does some serious damage down there and not too thin either, otherwise, it just feels like a battery-operated tampon. Thing is you guys know where your strengths lie. If you’re blessed with length, try to stay away from angles that allow for the deepest penetration unless she can handle it. If you’re blessed with girth, be gentle, please. Give her time to ‘adjust’. If you’re blessed with both, God help her. If you’re blessed with neither, God help you!

Qstn 5: Is it true that when a lady first enters a room full of people, she would first look at all the other ladies?

Answer: Most of the time, yes. She’s scanning the competition. She’s trying to rank herself relative to the other women in the room. Chances are she has spent a lot of time on her appearance and she has to make sure all that time was worth it. She could also be looking for a particular woman, one that she has a biff with or perceives as a threat. It all depends…

Qstn 6: What is it about the “Doggy style” that makes you guys go crazy?campinglist

Answer: The “Doggy” is the bomb… literally. We explode, in a good way 🙂 . Here’s why. It gives the best access (best for us at least), and the widest range of sensations. We get to control just how much sensation we want to feel (arch our backs deeper to dial it up, or flatten the back to dial it down). We don’t have to deal with having your weight on us (as is customary during missionary) so we can focus more on feeling rather than on struggling to breathe. Plus you can’t see our faces, so we have a false sense (very very false sense) of anonymity which is why our doggy ‘soundtracks’ tend to be of a different, shall I say, Genre.

Qstn 7: Do you guys really like giving head?

Answer: Some of us do. And some of us don’t. But I think that for those who like it, what they like is the ability to influence someone’s behaviour with their mouths. ‘Cos when a guy is getting good head, he is at his most vulnerable and that lady has him by the balls, literally, for that moment at least. It’s a nice, powerful feeling…

Qstn 8: Is it true that you ladies fake orgasms 90% of the time?

Answer: it is possible. If you think she’s faking it, the chances are very high that she’s fakingitscalledaclit it a lot of the time. I know it’s not the answer you hoped to get, but it’s true. Many women go through life without ever knowing what an orgasm feels like, which is sad and unfair, because it is the partner’s responsibility to ensure that she gets one every time they get busy. Before you shout about her pretending and making it difficult for you to know if she’s really orgasmed or not, remember that she’s probably pretending so that you don’t feel bad. So, take the time to try and find out what gets her going and what gets her there. Hint: You’d be able to feel it too. Really.

Qstn 9: Which of these two makes her orgasm faster; being eaten out or being screwed? (You have to understand that I’m quoting the questions verbatim, so please don’t take offense at the choice of words my fellow ladies)

Answer: Penetration alone rarely gets the job done, you’ll have to have done some ‘ground work’ prior for that to happen. Giving her head on the other hand, could easily have a 100% success rate if you do it right. Patience and an eager tongue are great assets to have in this situation.

Qstn 10: Does sucking of breasts really do anything for you girls?

Answer: The boobs are very important, if you know how to work with them. It’s not just about grabbing and squeezing them, no sir! Get to know them, intimately. Learn their curves, their peaks, their weight. Tease, touch lightly, nibble and yes, suck. They are after all, made for that.

Qstn 11: Can a woman get an orgasm from Anal?

Answer: This one, I can’t answer! Abeg, anybody out there who knows, please share. All I know is that Anal Fissures are real mehn. So do it at your own risk.

Qstn 12: What is so cool about having a facial? (Don’t be fooled, it’s not about an actual facial. It’s a boys’ slang for having a man ejaculate on your face, and or body)

Answer: Nothing. Nothing is cool about having a man dump his load on you. We might tolerate it (cos it’s better than risking unwanted pregnancy – though condoms exist for that purpose) but we don’t like it. So, don’t believe what your porn movies tell you. When you find yourself thinking that you might want to ‘drop something’ on someone, remember that the women in the porn flicks get paid to love it…

spankingzoneQstn 13: What about BDSM? Is it a porn thing or a reality? Cos I find it strange that a woman would like that kind of domination

Answer: There’s a freaky side to everyone. It just takes the right person to bring it out. BDSM exists, in different forms and to different extents. Sometimes, women who are control freaks in every aspect of their lives like to be dominated in the bedroom, because there, they can be controlled and enjoy it. They can let someone else take the reins and it wouldn’t make them feel less powerful. But not all men can deal with ‘freaky’ women. So figure out which one you are.

Qstn 14: Where is that damn G spot??? (this one really cracked me up)gspot

Answer: Damned if I know! I just know or have been told that it’s in there somewhere. I doubt that a lot of ladies know where exactly. But the search continues…

 

Have any more questions to ask? You can send to me using the Contact Page and I’ll post them anonymously. You can also ask your question using the comments box.

Below is a link to an article on the subject which I found quite humorous.

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/men-dont-understand-women

MissO

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