So, here’s continuing what I started in the previous post. If you missed it, read it here this thing called sex. For those who were ‘in class’ last time, school is now in session.
- Don’t be afraid to experiment – Simply put, be ready to try anything once (twice, if you like it; three times, just to be sure 😛 ). This way, you’ll both discover what you like and what you don’t. Bear in mind that we all have our own private fantasies, so when the man says to you “can we try this?” don’t be too quick to say no. Instead, listen to him, give it some thought (it’s important that he sees that you’re giving it some thought, even if you know it’s something you’re not likely to do, like letting him pee on you – no siree!) and calmly tell him why (if) you’re uncomfortable with what he’s asking. Same goes for the men – remember that women are less likely to ask for what exactly they want in bed, so if she summons up the courage and asks for something, DO NOT dismiss it out of hand. Think about it and then tell her if you’re not comfortable with it. It better not be something she has done for you before, cos after this, she’ll never do it again.
- Talk to each other about the things you want. You certainly aren’t going to get better sex if you remain quiet after every dissatisfying session. I once read in a magazine that it helps to have a checklist of your individual sexual fantasies and then you both can compare to find the common ones, and “negotiate” the peculiar ones. And you won’t always agree. He might want a threesome (which a lot of men want, and I just can’t understand it for the life of me) and you might only be willing to try a threesome if you’re the only woman in the mix (he’ll probably change his mind after he hears that). But having this conversation helps both of you to understand what’s acceptable, what’s out of bounds and what’s negotiable. As a bonus, it also brings you guys closer and you get to enjoy a new level of intimacy 🙂
- Take the initiative – Sometimes, you will need to make the first move, either because your partner is shy, conservative, too busy or tends to always make the first move. This is especially important for the ladies because we tend to always wait for him to ‘start things up’. If he always has to start, he’ll assume that you don’t really want to have sex anyway. And he’s likely to focus more on getting his own satisfaction than on blowing your mind. My suggestion, if you’re horny, just say it. Men get turned on by straight, sexy talk. If you can’t say it, show it – rub up on him, especially using those soft lady parts that he can’t resist, show some skin, walk around the house (or the room if there are other people in the house) naked. That should get his attention. Note though, that you might catch him on a tired day and he may not be in the mood. Don’t get discouraged or angry. Catch him at a better time and make sure he makes it up to you.
- Be creative – Shake things up a bit. Or a lot! Plan a surprise. If you have kids, ask your mum or sister to keep them for Friday evening and Saturday (or you can do the whole weekend if they don’t mind). Welcome him home from work on Friday night in something sexy. If he’s a Friday-hang-out-with-the-boys type of guy, when he sees you, he’d wish he had ditched the boys that night. And you can rest assured that he’d be more mindful of time spent out cos he’ll never know just when you could be planning to surprise him again. For guys, you can create an ambiance for her – scented candles, sexy music, and a titillating dinner rife with sexy talk. Tell her the things you want to do to her. That’s sure to get her hot and bothered. Get some desert and make sure she’s part of it (*wink*). You could also plan getaways, or take ‘lunch’ to his office (if he’s a big boss and has an office to himself). Also, cultivating the habit of ‘quickies’ is a good strategy – nothing like the thrill that comes from the risk of getting caught. Just don’t get caught!
- Use the spaces around both of you – everywhere is a potential ‘naughty’ location. Can you imagine how she’d feel if, every time she went into the kitchen to cook, she remembered you doing naughty things to her at that sink. Or imagine how difficult focusing on work would be if you had to work at the same desk that you took her on the week before. You’d struggle to explain the silly smile pasted on your face all day. And that’s a great feeling, I tell you, because you’d be hurrying back home every day to ‘relive’ the moment.
- Keep the sexy going – all day and all week if you can. Flirt with your partner, the way you guys did before you became a couple. Send naughty texts while you’re away from each other. Call just to tell him/her that you’re still thinking about last night or that you can’t wait to get home. If he’s away for a bit, send erotic pictures, talk about what you’re wearing (or not wearing). Keep him/her stimulated and constantly thinking of you. You’ll build anticipation – and like they say, anticipation is half the fun!
Want to read more? Final few tips in Part 3