That men cheat is often taken as a given fact. And when it comes to married men and their extramarital relationships, focus is almost always on the men and their “philandering” ways. You rarely look at the woman with whom he’s cheating. Yes, you probably abuse her and call her all kinds of names, easily blaming her for the problem but do you ever wonder why she stays in this relationship with the married man? Do you know what keeps her “happy” for the duration? I think it’s simple. The married man is boyfriend material!
Here are a few reasons why I think married men make great boyfriends. And I may be wrong, but at the time I was writing this, they made perfect sense to me.
- They’ve had practice. Lots of it. Look at it this way, they wooed their wives and then convinced them to marry them (the men). And they’ve gone through the process of being committed to and responsible for a woman. So they know the “basics” (and sometimes more) of keeping a woman happy. Which is why when they ‘step out’ on their wives, they seem to be able to know just what to do to take care of that ‘other woman’.
- They’re married already, so they don’t need to worry about having to marry ‘her’. Men are afraid of commitment, typically. Married men have faced that fear head on at least once, and are now tied to someone. So when they get a girlfriend on the side, they really don’t have to feel pressure to ‘get married’ because they already are. And they know that she can’t expect them to marry her. Which is why in most cases, once the girlfriend starts indicating that she wants to be more than just a girlfriend, the man takes to his heels.
- They know that the relationship is not binding. They can walk away at any time. There’s a certain level of freedom that comes with that knowledge. And that freedom makes it easy to do more than the average boyfriend would. All he has to do when he’s tired is tell her some story – maybe something around wanting to work things out with his wife or not wanting to get caught. You might even find the odd guy with a story around how he cares about her and wants her to find a man that will ‘do right’ by her. Whatever the story, he can always concoct one quickly to end things if he feels like it.
- A chick on the side often makes them feel young again. They get a new lease on life and it’s because of her. They get to do new things and even if they’re not new things, the fact that they get to do old things with a new person rejuvenates them. So they treat that lady well because she makes them happy.
- The sex is great. They can do things in bed with her that they probably can’t do with their wives. It’s exciting for them, it’s also empowering because they can try things they’ve always been curious about, push their “performance limits” and learn new ways in the art of pleasing a woman. Men love power and would typically prefer to be around the things/people that make them feel powerful. Ergo, why they spend so much time with their side chicks.
- They can escape. For married men, the girlfriend is a place of escape from an otherwise boring or perhaps difficult married life. A day or night in or out with her certainly beats going back home to a probably nagging (or absent) wife, who’s more concerned with the kids (where kids are present) than with him. And since this girlfriend ‘improves’ the quality of his life, he is willing to go the extra mile for her.
- They feel a sense of duty. Because they know they can’t marry her, married men often feel an overwhelming sense of duty to take extra special care of the girlfriend. They would cater to her material needs to the best of their ability. Some might give a monthly allowance. Others might pay her rent or buy her a car. The aim is to make her feel as comfortable and content as possible so that she can keep being good and loving to them and not feel the need to find someone more permanent.
- They don’t like competition. Even though they have no moral justification in this case, they get jealous of the possibly younger and unmarried men that are around her so they work hard to make sure that they can give her a much better deal than those guys. This often means more material things, more time and attention, more concern or affection, things that would generally make her happy and/or comfortable.
- They know she’ll always, always make the effort to look good for them and it makes them feel special. Chances are their wives have stopped trying – I think it’s called “See finish”. Anyway, they definitely want someone to think they’re important enough to look good for. And the side chick is always on point. So she gets rewarded for effort.
- They almost always exceed expectations. They know that the side chick’s expectations are low – she knows they’re married and the relationship is likely to be just a fling, so she doesn’t expect that much of his time or love or affection. And so all they need to do is put in just a little more effort, and she’ll be pleasantly surprised and over the moon with gratitude. And don’t men just love to feel like superheroes!
- They can be someone else (whoever they want to be really) when they’re with this lady. Their wives have had the privilege of knowing them for years. Girlfriend has known them for a much shorter period, so they can rewrite their personalities and show her only the good stuff. And make themselves modern day ‘superheroes’ (like I mentioned in the last point) which means that they can be ‘perfect’! Well except the fact that they go home to their wives…
- They make the well-being /comfort of the girlfriend a priority. While married men are great at ensuring the middle and long term comfort of their wives and families, they’re much better at ensuring the short term wellbeing of their girlfriends. For the simple reason that the girlfriend is temporary and can choose to leave. And they would often not want to compromise on taking care of her especially if she’s one that they derive a lot of joy/pleasure from. The threat of her leaving is likely to be more real than the threat of the wife leaving. So they (married men) would rather gamble on their wives than on their girlfriends.
So there you have it. A married man can be an awesome boyfriend. But I’m not saying you single ladies should go and grab yourselves a married man, because that comes with its own problems and I’ll probably write a post on that soon. However, if you were ever confused as to why some girls stay in relationships with married men, I hope I have been able to give you a bit of insight. Just don’t quote me anywhere 🙂