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Cookie Monsters

Cynthia: Hey babe

Victor: How are you?

Cynthia: (gets in the car) Oops! I think I just sat on something.

Cynthia: Where did you get these?

Victor: Oh! Tony and I went to see one of his friends today.

Victor: He had them on his coffee table.

Victor: Said he got them from a friend of his who bakes with his wife.

Cynthia: Oh really.

Cynthia: That’s nice.

Cynthia: A sweet couple (smiling)

Victor: (laughing) There’s weed in them.

Cynthia: Oh?

Victor: Yeah. I’ve never had those before.

Victor: So I asked if I could try them.

Victor: I wonder if you can taste the weed in it.

Cynthia: unwraps the cookies and takes a bite out of one

Cynthia: Mm. I can taste it. Not so great really.

Cynthia: It’s messing with the taste of the cookie itself (takes another bite)

Victor: Gimme some.

Victor: I can’t taste the weed.

Cynthia: Well, I can.

Victor: It’s in your head joh

Cynthia: It’s in my mouth too.

Cynthia: Take. I don’t want anymore

Victor: I really can’t taste it

Cynthia: How was TGIF at the office?

Victor: It went well.

Victor: I brought us some food.

Cynthia: Thank God.

Cynthia: I’m starving.

Cynthia: Was hoping we would drive straight home

Victor: Yep! And watch some Dexter

Cynthia: Perfect!

Victor: And we don’t have to get up early tomorrow since it’s Saturday

Victor: So we need to watch at least six episodes tonight.

Victor: I would have finished watching all of it by now if it was just me.

Victor: You’ve slowed me right down.

Cynthia: But I’ve told you to go ahead and finish it.

Cynthia: I can collect the DVDs from you when you’re done

Victor: No joh. I want to watch it with you.

Cynthia: But you don’t have to wait for me

Victor: I’ll wait.

Victor: Shebi we’re going to watch some of it now.

Cynthia: You’ve probably already watched some of it.

Cynthia: And now you have to watch all over again

Cynthia: I don’t understand why you won’t just give me the discs when you’re done

Victor: I don’t mind.

Victor: Where is that gateman?

Victor: He never sits at his post

Inside the house

Cynthia: Do you want me to microwave your food?

Victor: Nah. I’ll eat mine cold.

Cynthia: I don’t know how you do that.

Victor: What disc did you last watch?

Cynthia: I think it was Disc 2 of season 5?

Victor: Ok. Putting in the next one.

Victor: Hurry up.

Cynthia: Yeah yeah. I’m here.

Cynthia: Oya, press play. Sits cross-legged on the rug

An hour later

Cynthia: Shit! Dexter is crazy!

Victor: I know!!!

Victor: Fast-forward to the next episode

Cynthia: Wait. Let me clear the plates.

Cynthia: I want Fanta.

Cynthia: Do you want Fanta?

Victor: No, thanks.

Cynthia: Are you sure?

Cynthia: Don’t drink from my own when I bring it o

Cynthia: I’m asking you now, so I can bring you a glass.

Victor: Hahaha. No. I don’t want Fanta

Cynthia: Ok. (gets up)

Cynthia: Whoa. That’s woozy.

Victor: What?

Cynthia: Giggling

Victor: …

Cynthia: Still giggling

Cynthia: Was I just going on about Fanta?

Cynthia: I don’t even like Fanta

Victor: I was wondering

Cynthia: Giggling. Clamps hand over mouth.

Victor: Are you okay?

Cynthia: I think so. Just not sure what I’m finding so funny.

Victor: Will you come and sit down so I can press play?

Cynthia: What the FUCK did you give me to eat?

Cynthia: YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE!

Cynthia: What was in those COOKIES???

Victor: Laughing with puzzlement on his face

Cynthia: Banging the fridge door closed. No Fanta in hand.

Cynthia: SHIT!

Cynthia: I don’t trust you anymore!

Cynthia: You knew this would happen.

Cynthia: You have broken my trust.

Victor: …

Victor: Shakes his head as if trying to clear it.

Victor: Fuck!

Victor: Gets up into a sitting position

Victor: FUCK! I need to call my brother.

Victor: Where’s my phone?

Cynthia: Now doubled over, taking long, deep breaths.

Victor: On the phone. Tony! Tony! No chop dat cookie!

Victor: Dat cookie dey mad!

Victor: No chop am. Pauses

Victor: Na only me and Cynthia.

Victor: Abeg. No chop am.

Cynthia: Was it just weed in it? Fear in her voice

Cynthia: Are you sure there wasn’t anything else?

Victor: Stands up. Starts pacing.

Victor: I don’t know.

Victor: They said it was weed. Puffs air out of his mouth forcibly

Victor: Pumping his fists downwards. Repeatedly.

Cynthia: Goes to sit on the bed.

Cynthia: I feel dizzy.

Victor: Cynthia, I need to go to the hospital.

Victor: My heart

Victor: I need to call my brother.

Victor: On the phone again. Tony! I need the hospital. Please come!

Victor: Please come.

Cynthia: Please sit down.

Cynthia: You have to calm down.

Victor: Nooo. My heart is racing.

Victor: I can’t deal. Still pacing frantically from one end of the room to the other.

Cynthia: Please. You need to calm down.

Cynthia: You’re scaring me.

Victor: Call my brother.

Victor: Call Tony. Where is the phone?

Victor: Tony! Where are you?

Victor: See, Tony. I’ve never said this.

Victor: They told me that they saw a vision.

Victor: That I would die this year.

Victor: I know the medicine I need.

Victor: It’s in mummy’s wardrobe.

Victor: Go to mummy’s house.

Cynthia: collects phone from Victor

Cynthia: Tony, where are you?

Cynthia: Please hurry up.

Cynthia: You know your brother is hypertensive

Victor: LET ME TALK TO HIM!

Victor: Don’t drop the phone.

Victor: Tony. Tony. Tony.

Victor: Don’t drop.

Victor: Please talk to me.

Cynthia: Tries to pull Victor to sit down

Cynthia: Please. Sit down.

Victor: Lock the door.

Cynthia: It’s locked.

Victor: Lock the DOOR!

Cynthia: It’s locked.

Cynthia: See? She turns the door handle.

Victor: Don’t open the DOOR!

Victor: Don’t open the DOOR!

Victor: DON’T OPEN THE DOOR!!!

Cynthia: I’m not opening it. Almost kneeling down imploring

Victor: Pacing and scratching his head

Victor: This is not weed!

Victor: There’s something else in it!

Cynthia: Let us pray. Pray with me.

Cynthia: Our Father…

Cynthia: Takes his hand. Say it with me Victor.

Cynthia: Who art in heaven

Cynthia: Hallowed be Thy name

Victor: No. No. No. No.

Cynthia: Please. Say it with me.

Cynthia: Thy kingdom come

Cynthia: Thy will be done on earth

Victor: As it is…

Cynthia: Give us this day

Victor: day…

Cynthia: Our daily bread

Cynthia: And forgive us

Victor: Our trespasses

Victor: As we forgive those

Victor: Who trespass against us

Cynthia: And lead us not into temptation. Kneels down by the bed

Cynthia: But deliver us from evil

Cynthia: Again. Our father…

Victor: Calmer. Pacing on the spot

Cynthia: My body feels like it’s on fire

Cynthia: I can’t breathe. I can feel my heart pumping

Cynthia: Getting breathless

Cynthia: I think I’m going to have an attack

Cynthia: Gasping for air

Cynthia: I need air. Rushes to the door.

Victor: Don’t open the DOOR!

Victor: DON’T OPEN THE DOOR!!

Cynthia: I can’t breathe!

Victor: Runs into the kitchen

Cynthia: Fumbles with keys, trying to open the door

Victor: Comes out of the kitchen, crazed look in his eyes

Victor: Cynthia, don’t open the door!

Cynthia: I need to go outside!

Cynthia: Finally unlocking the door and pulling it open

Cynthia: Aaaaaaarrrrrrrgggghhh! Screaming as she feels a sharp pain in her back

Cynthia: Turns around.

Victor: I SAID DON’T OPEN THE DOOR!

Victor: Now look what you made me do.

Victor: FUCK!

Victor: FUUUUCCCCKK!!!

Horn beeps

Victor: That’s Tony

Cynthia: falls to the ground, whimpering and gasping for air at the same time

Tony: Banging on the door

Tony: Victor! Victor!

Victor: Opens the door

Tony: Are you okay?

Tony: Where’s Cyn…

Tony: Eyes widen in disbelief as he notices Cynthia lying on the floor in a pool of blood

Victor: I TOLD HER NOT TO OPEN THE DOOR!

Victor: I told her not to open the door.

Tony: Victor, put the knife down.

Tony: I’m here now.

Tony: It’s going to be alright.

Tony: You just need to sleep it off.

Victor: starts crying, sinks to the floor

Cynthia: …

MissO

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